~Trifledreamz~

What would you suggest as a suitable and rewarding task for the novice cakemaker?

Think carefully, please, because your suggestions and my execution thereof, may well be the source of the utmost satisfaction and delight on the one hand, the deepest gloom and despondency on the other.

There are so many types of cake that capture my fancy but without the required experience, i don't know which are relatively easy to create and which are deceptively difficult and likely to leave both myself and my kitchen in a complete turmoil...therefore, i eagerly await your suggestions with drooling anticipation so please drop a little note into my suggestion box.

Even my wife has been stirred into action by my recent baking exploits, surprising me with a delicious coffee sponge when i came home from work today.

They often signify something completely different to what you may think, so even if they're sometimes quite worrying, there may be a brighter message to be found.

Death: Relax if you've dreamt of death, it can mean something good, like a wedding or birth in the family.

Losing Teeth: The thing with teeth is, they symbolise words, not actual teeth...to dream of losing your teeth can mean that you've uttered harsh or false words to somebody that you'd rather have kept to yourself...safe in your mouth, like your teeth.

Flying: These dreams are very good for you, foretelling happiness, peace of mind and a lack of worry or stress so learn to unfold your wings before going to bed.

Falling: Common with people who suffer depression, apparently, a message telling you that something about your life is rapidly going in the wrong direction.

Pursuit: You are avoiding something in your waking life that needs to be addressed, there is an issue that you must face-up to and stop trying to ignore!

Sex: And where would we be without the odd dream about sex? Dreaming of having sex with a platonic friend merely indicates how much you love that person, it's not lustful at all. However, sex with somebody you dislike tells you that it's time to let go of your negative feelings for them.

And finally, pay attention to fairies in your dreams because they bring you messages to overcome any problems in your life...and don't eat cheese at bedtime, everyone knows that!

1) At the age of 44, i suddenly found the joy of baking.
2) I once worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
3) I have 9 tattoos.
4) I have a scar on my head, having had 8 stitches at 14 when i fell off a telephone box.
5) I can roll my tongue into a tube shape, apparently not everyone can do this.
6) I'm left-handed, the world is the wrong-way round for me.
7) I once infuriated the kids and neighbours by singing along to the entire Grease album in the early hours with my wife whilst we were both exceedingly drunk and tuneless.

And before i go, i would like to mention one of my lifelong favourite dreamgirls, who's been a glamour model, pop singer and Bollywood star in her time, besides playing havoc with my heart-strings and blood-pressure down the years.

So today, i decided upon a Tarot Reading, kindly given by Sharon's good friend Lynne, for which i warmly thank her. I find it both intriguing and thought provoking too discover how someone gifted in such matters interprets the journey of life through the enigmatic cards.

In your past, you set things in motion for future, you had a goal to head for and did this your way, there were some obstacles that you had to overcome but in time you could see that and they made you stronger and more determined to succed.

However, the bright sunshine of sunday afternoon saw me toiling in vain with the mischievous afforementioned ingredients, all of which devoutly refused to act as my ancient cookbook faithfully promised, leaving me in a state of despair and disappointment.

Had you been present to witness my beloved creation being tenderly lifted from the oven, you would have asked yourself whether my intention had been to create a particularly large biscuit or a jam-filled frisbee.

I didn't follow King Alfred's example and burn the cake but it was nevertheless still crunchy in parts, exceedingly sweet and somewhat flatter in appearance than any sponge-cake that i'd ever yet beheld...a typically English heroic failure.

Notwithstanding this sad showing, the cake was perfectly edible although, to be fair, i could only give it an Mmm rating when i'd anticipated at least an Mmmmmmmm! I devoured half of it for sunday tea and took the remainder to work for monday's lunch, still not quite certain exactly where it'd all gone so horribly wrong.

I have been cruelly brought down a peg or two by this hamfisted experience and wince whenever i pass the bakers but hereby vow that my next creation will show a distinct improvement, just you mark my words.

Be afraid, Mr Kipling, be very afraid.

I decided to confess this inner desire to my wife while we were filling up our trolley at Tesco, taking a deep breath and looking her as squarely in the eye as possible, i mumbled,

You know what i'd really like to do?
What?
I'd like to bake a cake!
A cake?
Yes, i want to bake a cake.
Okay...

And so, we made sure that we bought the required ingredients for a fairly easy cake, a Victoria Sponge, and also a set of new cake tins. The ancient recipe book was dusted off and i marvelled at the vast array of different cakes that i could attempt as and when i became more proficient.

The simple pleasure in all that mixing, whisking and baking can only be matched by the joy of eating the resulting culinary work of art, washed down with a hot cup of tea. So the theory goes anyway but now it's time for me to face up to the practical side of it.

Wish me luck as i engulf myself and the kitchen in a delightful floury mess, chuckle to yourself as i make a complete botch of whisking the eggs and all those other mysterious processes that must be endured in order to create a simple cake.

So, if you know any tasty cakey tips or recipes, please send them to me and i'll not only receive them all most gratefully but will endeavour, in the fullness of time, to do them justice as i slave away in the sunday kitchen dreaming of the day that i may lay claim to the title of The Cakemaker General.

I'll report on the success or failure of my latest endeavour at a later date...but for now, here goes!

The true soap bitch stirs the blood and conquers the heart like no other...a dominating character that we love to hate but can't stop watching, a fantasy figure who brings an illicit tingle of desire whenever we lay eyes on them.

Down the years i have quietly admired many a bad girl of soapland, so i feel i can speak with at least a little amateurish authority on this important matter or in other words, i'm a complete sucker for them.

My all-time favourite was surely Kim Tate from Emmerdale, the vixen of the Dales, flashing a mischievous smile as she trampled her admirers mercilessly underfoot...always dressed to thrill and never missing a chance to play her seductive, devilish games.

Wonderfully played by the stunning Claire King, she was the kind of woman that fuelled a million male fantasies, a steely strumpet with a frosty heart...my fondest wish is to see her return one day to create yet more havoc...just once, please.

Closely following would be Kate Ford from Coronation Street, who was deliciously evil as Tracy Barlow; cold, selfish, cruel, despicable and conniving...and those were just her good points; a proper little madam, the kind of girl that could drive a man crazy with desire...and then just plain crazy.